you know you're old when...

you start asking younger people how old they think you are.

I went down south with Sam, my buddy from way back. We go to this pub where there is a terrible band, two fat guys playing electric guitars to a drum machine controlled by a laptop. The laptop crashed so they were just two fat guys with electric guitars. The lead singer had one of those wanky wireless mics that you attach to your head.

Anyways.

We sit down and take this lady's table, and we offer her a seat. This is the kind of humour you can expect around Shaun and Sam. After a bit of small talk Sam asks 'Did you get any romance today?', being Valentines Day, this is quite a valid question. Turns out she did. She tells us about the gold ring she got, with the dress that she wanted so badly, and also white and orange roses, because they are so much better than red.

Then she asks

"How old do I look?"

Sam and I laugh. We're drunk, but not that drunk.

"Look, I promise I won't get offended, just tell me"

Sam and I lean and confer behind outstretched palms.

Shaun : OK, she's about 50, lets say 38 to be really nice

Sam: Dude, she'll know we're lying, we have to say 41. Thats definately the minimum age

Shaun: Watevs'

We reached a conclusion. Luckily Sam broke the news

Sam: My friend and I talked about it, and we agree that you're 41

What followed was a face that looked like it just got punched in the guts. She looked away slightly for a moment. She looked back. She looked Sam straight in the eyes.

"Well I'm 37"

She didn't like Sam very much after that. She told me that I had to shave my face and wear a blue striped shirt or I'd never find romance.

I felt sorry for her husband that night. Imagine what he'd have to deal with when he got home.