Beasts of dickhead
Gem and I went to see Tex Perkin's last gig with Beasts of Bourbon last night. Being their last gig, you can either expect it to be great or a rather large disappointment.
My beef is not with the Beasts though (which I had to pay a whole $30 for...) with their quite careless performance, or with the sound guys who completely ruined the Kill Devil Hills. Its the audience that really baked my potato.
To the left you'll find mr and mrs 'i can feel the back of your head with my tounge for the last two hours'. Just behind you, you may notice two men who must have been reading 'most fuckedist conversations of the 1st to 21st century', please refrain from killing them.
To the best of my memory (which is poor at the best of times), the conversation went thus:
Scene - Kill Devil Hills finish their set, thank the audience and retire for the evening
Dickhead number one: Fuckin' bands get away with murder these days
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Dickhead number one: Fuckin' hecklers don't know what they're doin, these bands get away with murder
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Dickhead number one: Those songs are moron songs. They were written by morons.They should fuckin try writing something in a different fuckin key to E minor.
Dickhead number two: Yeh. What's your favourite key to write in?
Dickhead number one: G
Dickhead number two: Ah, yeh. Stick to the major keys
Dickhead number one: You don't fuckin know what you're talkin about
Dickhead number two: Nah yeh man man I just just sayin...
Dickhead number one: These guys don't even know any other key than E minor I'd bet. I'd piss all over these guys
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Not that their songs were actually written in E minor, but last time I checked - G major and E minor were are the same key. That is, E minor is the relative minor of G Major, meaning that both these scales contain the EXACT SAME notes! EVERYONE knows that!
So this is what happened in my mind:
Dickhead number one: Those songs are moron songs. They were written by morons.They should fuckin try writing something in a different fuckin key to E minor.
Dickhead number two: Yeh. What's your favourite key to write in?
Dickhead number one: G
Seshna - God of Rock turns around, pushes Dickhead number two out of the way and faces up to dickhead number one.
Seshna - God of Rock: You dickhead, E minor is the relative minor of G major, they are the same.
Dickhead number one: Pff. Faggot. You don't kno....
The club music stops playing at the sound of a dj scratch and everyone turns their attention towards us
Seshna - God of Rock: Because you see G major has one sharp in it which is F#, and E minor has one flat in it, which is Gb. Gb and F# are the same note, the scales just start on their own respective root notes and ascend or descend through the scale with their own patterns which just happen to resolve to the same notes. The easy way, of course, is by getting the major scale, counting down three semi-tones, and this will give you its relative minor.
Seshna finishes. The room is silent.
Dickhead number one: Thats bullshit mate. I'm better than the Kill Devil Hills! I have great songs!
Crowd: Boo!
Goo falls out of nowhere onto dickhead number one and covers him. Dickhead number one starts crying and runs out of the room. He is stopped by his busty girlfriend
Busty Girlfriend: I'm sorry, its just not working. You used to be hot.
Crowd: oooo!
Tex Perkins steps out from backstage and throws Seshna - God of Rock a guitar
Tex Perkins: Hey - you're alright
Seshna wales on the guitar while Tex Scats along. The camera floats upwards while everyone is dancing.
My beef is not with the Beasts though (which I had to pay a whole $30 for...) with their quite careless performance, or with the sound guys who completely ruined the Kill Devil Hills. Its the audience that really baked my potato.
To the left you'll find mr and mrs 'i can feel the back of your head with my tounge for the last two hours'. Just behind you, you may notice two men who must have been reading 'most fuckedist conversations of the 1st to 21st century', please refrain from killing them.
To the best of my memory (which is poor at the best of times), the conversation went thus:
Scene - Kill Devil Hills finish their set, thank the audience and retire for the evening
Dickhead number one: Fuckin' bands get away with murder these days
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Dickhead number one: Fuckin' hecklers don't know what they're doin, these bands get away with murder
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Dickhead number one: Those songs are moron songs. They were written by morons.They should fuckin try writing something in a different fuckin key to E minor.
Dickhead number two: Yeh. What's your favourite key to write in?
Dickhead number one: G
Dickhead number two: Ah, yeh. Stick to the major keys
Dickhead number one: You don't fuckin know what you're talkin about
Dickhead number two: Nah yeh man man I just just sayin...
Dickhead number one: These guys don't even know any other key than E minor I'd bet. I'd piss all over these guys
Dickhead number two: Yeh
Not that their songs were actually written in E minor, but last time I checked - G major and E minor were are the same key. That is, E minor is the relative minor of G Major, meaning that both these scales contain the EXACT SAME notes! EVERYONE knows that!
So this is what happened in my mind:
Dickhead number one: Those songs are moron songs. They were written by morons.They should fuckin try writing something in a different fuckin key to E minor.
Dickhead number two: Yeh. What's your favourite key to write in?
Dickhead number one: G
Seshna - God of Rock turns around, pushes Dickhead number two out of the way and faces up to dickhead number one.
Seshna - God of Rock: You dickhead, E minor is the relative minor of G major, they are the same.
Dickhead number one: Pff. Faggot. You don't kno....
The club music stops playing at the sound of a dj scratch and everyone turns their attention towards us
Seshna - God of Rock: Because you see G major has one sharp in it which is F#, and E minor has one flat in it, which is Gb. Gb and F# are the same note, the scales just start on their own respective root notes and ascend or descend through the scale with their own patterns which just happen to resolve to the same notes. The easy way, of course, is by getting the major scale, counting down three semi-tones, and this will give you its relative minor.
Seshna finishes. The room is silent.
Dickhead number one: Thats bullshit mate. I'm better than the Kill Devil Hills! I have great songs!
Crowd: Boo!
Goo falls out of nowhere onto dickhead number one and covers him. Dickhead number one starts crying and runs out of the room. He is stopped by his busty girlfriend
Busty Girlfriend: I'm sorry, its just not working. You used to be hot.
Crowd: oooo!
Tex Perkins steps out from backstage and throws Seshna - God of Rock a guitar
Tex Perkins: Hey - you're alright
Seshna wales on the guitar while Tex Scats along. The camera floats upwards while everyone is dancing.
Fade out.
